tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23749528.post115159670148505323..comments2023-09-08T09:24:38.306-06:00Comments on Susan Adrian: Follow the Bouncing ParagraphSusan Adrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10730673696950405605noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23749528.post-1152730904801833222006-07-12T13:01:00.000-06:002006-07-12T13:01:00.000-06:00Thanks for commenting, Precie! I'm never quite sur...Thanks for commenting, Precie! I'm never quite sure when I post something if it will be useful and interesting, or fodder for the void. {g} I'm glad this one caught your eye!<BR/><BR/>SusanSusan Adrianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10730673696950405605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23749528.post-1152730448996526182006-07-12T12:54:00.000-06:002006-07-12T12:54:00.000-06:00Susan:I followed your sig link from the forum. I ...Susan:<BR/><BR/>I followed your sig link from the forum. I love watching the evolution of this passage. It's fascinating to see other writers at work! Thanks so much for posting this!<BR/><BR/>--PreciePreciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05071233480999640713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23749528.post-1151609756310408972006-06-29T13:35:00.000-06:002006-06-29T13:35:00.000-06:00Sara:Of course I listen to suggestions! Listen and...Sara:<BR/><BR/>Of course I listen to suggestions! Listen and reflect, remember? {g} I'll take a look at it.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad you liked that post...after I posted it I thought, hmmm, that was LONG.Susan Adrianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10730673696950405605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23749528.post-1151605378928815222006-06-29T12:22:00.000-06:002006-06-29T12:22:00.000-06:00Hi Susan,I like seeing your process. And I love Di...Hi Susan,<BR/><BR/>I like seeing your process. And I love Diana's suggestion of action in every paragraph. I missed that discussion over at the forum, but picked up here on your blog. Thanks! I too am learning this fattening technique, while struggling with retaining the original sparkle. I don't want to edit my story dead.<BR/><BR/>I wonder if you'll take one tiny suggestion? I don't care for the "just looking at him" bit. It's sticking out like a tag on the back of a shirt. It becomes evident she's looking at him in the next sentence, and you've got "looked" later in the paragraph. Other than that, I love how you've broken up the description and layered it through action. It's much better than the info dumps I'm reading in published works these days. <BR/><BR/>Good luck with your submissions, BTW!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13810750742830573486noreply@blogger.com