When you can't prepare

I always leave a little bit of water at the bottom of the glass.

It's not because I can't drink a whole glass of water, or because I need it as future ammo against aliens.* I've tried to figure it out, and I think it's my need to always consider and prepare for the future.

See, I might be thirsty in a while, and I'll NEED that leftover sip of water. It'll carry me through until I can get more. So I save it, just in case.

I also stuff chocolate in my desk. I very rarely finish a chocolate bar unless I have another one ready. Because I might NEED some. And what will happen if I'm totally out?

I am a terrible hoarder, in fact. My purse has Kleenex packs, mints (in case I feel sick), cough drops (in case I have a sudden cough), snack bags (duh), antacids, girl stuff, chapstick, a notebook and pen (what if I have an idea and there's nothing to write on?), etc. My office desk has repeats of all of the above, plus a toothbrush and toothpaste (I have never brushed my teeth at work), bandaids, and matches (?).

I like to lug all this stuff around with me. When I go to a fancy event with my husband where it's inappropriate to bring a huge purse, it makes me downright uncomfortable.

And most of the time I don't need any of it. But it's nice to have it there, ready. It's comforting, and it makes me feel on top of things.

So it kind of astonishes me sometimes that I've chosen a profession that has so very much uncertainty, and so much that is absolutely OUT of my control.

I can't carry mints to prepare against the crush of rejection.

I can't throw a magic clock in my bag that will wipe out the uncertainty of waiting.

I can't  have a pocket ready with the next plot twist I need, or the next book idea that will actually work.

I wish I could. Oh, how I wish I could. I'd save buckets of water if it would help--me or others--with being prepared for this industry.

Maybe I should just get over it and finish my glass.

*obscure reference to Signs, an odd Mel Gibson alien movie