A ramble on nerd-dom

I'm a nerd, or a geek.1 I don't try to hide it--it's right there in my bio, if you couldn't guess from the glasses I'm wearing. I'm proud of it. And I'm SO happy to be currently living in a world that celebrates nerds, at least in some ways. When I was in grammar school, let's just say nerds were not celebrated.

*uncomfortable flashback to grammar school lunchroom*

Whew. Okay, zoom right past THAT. Nothing to see there.

Anyway. I've been thinking lately about how varied, and accepting, the geek world is--and how even if they don't realize it, or own it, most people I know and love are geeks in some way. It started with a quote @MarthaMihalick posted on Twitter (via @brainpicker):

  

"Being a geek is all about your own personal level of enthusiasm, not how your level of enthusiasm measures up to others. If you like something so much that a casual mention of it makes your whole being light up like a halogen lamp, if hearing a stranger fondly mention your favorite book or game is instant grounds for friendship, if you have ever found yourself bouncing out of your chair because something you learned blew your mind so hard that you physically could not contain yourself — you are a geek."

 As I read that, I thought THAT IS SO ME. I don't hide enthusiasm for the things I love. I bounce and squee and grin like a fool at the TV as Sherlock is figuring something out or Chuck kisses Sarah. It's the open, shining enthusiasm that makes a geek, the obsession with little details, the fascination with all things related to whatever we love. It does make us easy to pick on, to mock--but it also keeps us stocked up with joy.
 
 Over the years I've changed the things I'm geeky about. Of course it's books...it was always books. I've been a book nerd since I could hold one in my little hands, or have my own library card. But I've also been a ballet nerd. A drama geek. A Shakespeare geek specifically. (Even a Chaucer geek! I wrote a book called The Murderess's Tale, set in 1387 England...) A science geek. (Wait, I'm still that too!) A brain science geek. I learned to program computers in Basic in 7th grade. My husband and I were obsessed with Myst, once upon a time, and that Frankenstein video game we still quote. I love Princess Bride and Star Wars (the originals, of course) and Star Trek Enterprise. I'm crazy about Buffy and Jason Bourne and, of course, Chuck.
 
 Sometimes I doubt my nerd cred, because I don't like Doctor Who, and I'm not a particular fan of high fantasy. I've never read George R.R Martin. But you know what, nerds? That's OKAY. To call yourself a nerd you don't have to ascribe to all the same things as everyone else you know...you just need to love what you love, unabashedly.

 

 My husband, in spite of playing a few video games here and there, doesn't think of himself as a nerd--he doesn't like fantasy or science fiction, and he doesn't geek out over shows and movies like I do. BUT he's a total airplane nerd. If there's a show or a book or a website about airplanes, he's on it. If you ask him a question about the P-47's use in WWII and how the handling compares to the P-51, he knows. I think that qualifies.

 

 I think maybe because geeks/nerds are a little out of the realm of the real world in their own ways, they recognize and appreciate the nerdiness of others, even if it's not about the same thing. So yeah, Star Wars geeks might make fun of Trekkies (Trekkers, I know), but in the end they are in the same camp, on the same side. The passionate side of life.

 

What do you think, fellow nerds? What are you passionate about? What flips your switch? Has it changed over the years?

 

 And do you think nerds are more accepting of other nerds, even with different passions, than non-nerds are? Or are we all just in our separate nerd camps, with some overlap? 

 

 Live long and prosper, and Don't Freak Out.

1I tried to decide if I was really one or the other based on this article (http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-Nerds-and-Geeks), but I don't think the differences they cite are valid. I fall into both and neither, as described! So I'm using them interchangeably. So there.

Happy Towel Day!

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.

Happy Towel Day, Froods! 

In honor of Douglas Adams, one of my favorite authors of ALL TIME.


He wasn't afraid to let his geek flag fly and let his writing go where it wanted to go, and he inspired the heck out of me, among thousands (millions?) of others.

And for my own spin on it, mixing genres a tiny bit:

The Best Part

I had an interesting discussion on Twitter yesterday (yes, it's possible, doubters!) about which part of book-writing is the best. I was extolling the happiness of first-drafting, and was surprised that every single one of the authors I was talking to strongly preferred revising to the blank page.

Which made me think...WHY? (why do different people like different bits, and why am I loving the first draft?)

If there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that not only are no two writers alike...no two BOOKS are alike. The process always twists to the needs of the book. For example, the last book was the first time I'd ever written with a playlist, and used the music as part of my creative process. So I know better than to generalize, even for myself.

But for the last book I wrote and the one I'm writing now, I definitely, definitively love the first draft part of writing. Perhaps unreasonably. For these books, it's like I truly am telling the story to myself, so every day a little piece of the puzzle is revealed. Plot points shift, I'm aware of pacing and larger themes, and I have a whole notebook of where-this-needs-to-go and don't-forget-this and these-are-the-threads-you're-balancing-now (currently, 11 threads! Ha!). But day to day, it's all about the story for me. As my friend Linda Grimes has said, it's like an interactive movie.

Also, in the first draft everything still seems POSSIBLE. Not only for the character, but for the book. It can still be genius, with amazing twists and turns. I'm still at the start of the process, so this is all still just me and the page--I know I will have many chances to go over it and get it right, so now I can play and explore and have fun.

I enjoy doing revision too (I am an editor, after all, in my daily life), and later passes where I can strengthen and layer and add better twists and plot developments and setting, and make everything work. But somehow with every draft it seems like my opportunities narrow, a little. I'm working with already existing words and story, and flexing it (or taking it apart and rearranging it) to make it the best I can, but it's not all blank possibility.

But I'm sure I'm forgetting things here, just looking at my own experience with these last two books particularly. I'd really like to hear from you. What is the best part of the process for you? Why?

Please answer in the comments! If we get enough discussion maybe I can do a follow up from the reviser's perspective.

Winner of Boy 21

And the winner of a copy of BOY 21 is...

Shiela Calderon Blankemeier!!

Congratulations, Shiela! Email me (susan dot adrian at yahoo dot com) with your address!

And Happy Friday, everybody! I am particularly happy today because New Book (T2 is its code name) is going well...

Boys

Recently--okay, when I was talking with agents--I made a list, in case anyone asked me, of my most recent LOVED books. It seems like there have been many of them lately, an Abundance of Awesome, and it was tough to pick and choose. But when I studied my carefully whittled-down list, I noticed a certain trend. See if you can spot it.

Susan's Recent LOVE books:

I HUNT KILLERS (Barry Lyga)
BLACK HEART (Holly Black)
ANNA DRESSED IN BLOOD (Kendare Blake)
NAME OF THE STAR (Maureen Johnson)
BOY 21 (Matthew Quick)

Do you see it?

With the exception of NAME OF THE STAR, all of those books have a boy MC. But these are the books that stood out for me, that I thought about into the night, that thrilled or touched me.

Boys. Teen boys. While I have been a teen girl, I was never a teen boy.

However, interestingly (and perhaps not coincidentally, *cough*), HAPPY SAUCE* has a boy MC too. So I have been in a boy's head for much of the past year, and I am now. And though I'm sure I'll write girls again (I do still love to read girl MCs too), I'm enjoying it very much.

What is it that I like about the boy POV as opposed to a girl's? What is it that's different? I'm still thinking this through. But a few things I'm positing as possibilities:

--Directness
Most of the boy MCs get right to the point, in words and actions. I also do this, so I appreciate it.

--Sparseness
I have never been a fan of long bits of description, setting, clothes, etc. Boys--at least my boy, I guess I shouldn't extrapolate--don't seem to do as much of this.

--Conversational style
I LOVE having dialogue where my boy says very little, but his thoughts are churning underneath in a million different directions. Just because he doesn't say much (and he doesn't) doesn't mean he's not deeply considering the issue. And then when he does say a lot it means more.

--Boy humor
I like boy humor. I always have. Except the fart jokes. Y'all can keep those. Also, side note, my boy is a gamer and a bit of a nerd, which is fun. I like having him play HALO and COD with his friends.

--Difference
For me, it's fascinating to explore the differences. To think about shaving and attraction to girls and male parts that don't behave (yes, I really just want to type boner there). To not have to think about shaving your legs or doing your hair or what shoes to wear. To have physical tasks come a bit more easily. To explore how his relationship with his sister is different, less competitive, than it would be if he were a girl.

It seems to me there are a bunch of good boy MC books coming out lately, and they're not necessarily just for the male teen audience. They're great books.

What about you? If you're a girl, or a woman, do you read male MCs? Do you like them?

If you're male, do you read/enjoy female MCs?

Also, on this theme, I happen to have a lovely ARC of BOY 21 by Matthew Quick sitting here next to me. See?

I think I should give it away. To get someone else reading about boys--but more particularly, to get this WONDERFUL book out there into the world more.

Do you want to win it? All you have to do is comment below. Simple. Direct. :)
(forgot to say when it closes--contest will be closed Friday morning, 8 am!) 

CLOSED TO FURTHER ENTRIES.



*I hope it's clear that HAPPY SAUCE is not its real name. It just made me so happy to write it that I called it that.

Happy Sauce!

Related to the New Agent news, I have to pop in to confess how THRILLED I am to be back at work on Happy Sauce.

While I was querying agents I tried to put that whole book world aside and work on other things, like you're supposed to. I bounced around a few good ideas before settling on one, doing some research and planning, and I was about 3k in when all this *waves hands* happened. Yes, that'll be a fun book, and I'll get back to it eventually, and maybe I'll fall in love with it too.

But Happy Sauce fills me up differently. It's my love book and always has been. And I'm working on it again. Right now! Yay!

/this message has been brought to you by the Insane Writers Society of America. You're welcome.

NEWS!!

When I was about 14, I discovered what first love felt like.

Not from real life. From a book--Mary Stewart's THE MOON-SPINNERS.* There's a scene in there somewhere where Nicola, the heroine, realizes there really is something between her and the Boy, that it's reciprocated...and that she's standing at the absolute start of something fabulous. The feeling is warm and fizzy and hopeful, and filled me up with possibility.

That's exactly the same feeling I had when I spoke with my new agent about my book.

Yes!! I am so very happy to announce that I have a new agent, Kate Schafer Testerman of kt literary!

I would make her name be all sparkly up there if I could.

She understands the book so well, and shares my vision for it. We effused about the characters and their inspirations, and what will happen to them (poor Jake, I'm sorry), and what we hope for this book and the future. And I KNEW that this was the beginning, and that my career is in the right hands.

It's also rather nice that her client list is a Who's Who of What I Love or Want to Read. Seriously! Have you seen these people? Have you read their amazing books? Go! Look! http://ktliterary.com/clients/
(edited to add: Eee! I'm on there now! I wasn't when I posted this.)

Basically I'm thrilled, and fizzing to the brim. And I need to thank ALL the writer friends who helped me in this time of upheaval--with readings, recommendations, referrals, encouragement, sparkles, and most of all a steady stream of confidence that I *would* find the right person. Y'all rock. THANK you.

Now can we all stop for a moment and do a Snoopy dance? Yeah, baby!

Also...I LOVE THIS BOOK. Yay!!


*Last year, when I was in the middle of a very rough time writing-wise, I wrote to Mary Stewart. And she WROTE BACK. This was undoubtedly my biggest fangirl moment ever, standing there reading her letter of encouragement to me. It lives in my jewelry box now, where I see it every day.

Lessons from Home Ec

Watching Mad Men makes me flash back to the only part of my youth that was anything like the late 50s/early 60s: Home Ec.

I can't believe this class still existed when I was in high school--apparently now they've updated it to Culinary Arts. But when I was there, it was still full-on home ec. We learned cooking (sort of), but also sewing, deportment, why we shouldn't chew gum, and how to balance a checkbook. The teacher, a Joan Holloway type, tried her best to teach us to be proper ladies, with the subtext of being good wives and mothers.

Now that I've been a wife for a good many years and a mother for ten (and I am also a lot more than that besides, thank you very much), I thought it might be interesting to take a quick look back at some of those lessons we had, and see which ones are worth listening to.

Let's do it. HOME EC: Keep or Toss?

Lesson: How to Sit Like a Lady

The memory of this lesson still makes me laugh. We learned how to sit in that awkward way TV hosts and princesses do--with one leg crossed over the other, both slanted the same direction. There's no chance of under-skirt flashing, sure. But you also feel like a pretzel, and your legs get stiff and sore in about 2 minutes. I've never used this except to show people how silly it is.

Verdict: TOSS

Lesson: How to Walk Like a Lady

We donned high heels and walked across the room with spines straight, books balanced on our head. I am completely serious. It was just like Princess Diaries. The problem is whether you can balance books on your head depends more on whether your head is flattish on top than whether you have a straight spine. Plus it's ridiculous. I do think sitting up straight is valuable--I have a note on my monitor that says "Sit up straight!" because I don't and it hurts my back to slump. But walking with books?

Verdict: TOSS

Lesson: How to Put a Condom on a Banana

Um...on second thought I am totally skipping this one.

Lesson: How to Make Blueberry Muffins

The funny thing is all I remember from this lesson is that I failed it--because part of the lesson was to fold fresh blueberries in the batter with the correct technique so the batter didn't turn purple. My batter was bright purple, baby. FAIL. I do love to cook now, but I've never really needed the "folding blueberries" part.

Verdict: TOSS


Lesson: How to Put Make-up on So You Won't Wrinkle

This stuck with me more than anything else we learned. The teacher stressed that to avoid early wrinkles around your eyes, you should *always* put make-up or lotion on with your third (ring) finger. Somehow using your third finger put less pressure on the area than the other fingers, and presto when we were older like her we would not be all wrinkly. I have always put make-up on with my third finger. I gotta tell you, it kind of works.

Verdict: KEEP

What do you know? I learned something after all. Just don't ask me to sit like a princess or make white blueberry muffins, and we're all good.

I am pretty sure I'm not much of a lady, though. Also, I can't sew worth a damn. *shrug*

Please tell me someone else had Home Ec like this? Got any stories?

The State of Susan

It's been a while, so thought I'd catch you up with a random, minor sampling of what's going on over here.

1) The weather was good enough yesterday to go fishing on the river! I didn't catch a (bleep) thing, but hubby did, and it was a gorgeous day. And we saw river otters! A family of three, making their way upstream. They move just like Loch Ness monsters, but when they stopped to stare at us they were adorable. Sorry I didn't have my camera!

2) Here in Montana we tend to forget over the winter months that the bright round thing in the sky has the power to make our skin red if we're out in it all day. But yesterday we actually had the "Did you put sunscreen on yet? Nope. Did you? Nope." conversation. And still did nothing. So we all three totally deserve the red raccoon look we're sporting today. *sigh*

3) Now that Downton Abbey is over for the time being and we're caught up on The Office, hubby and I decided to try this "Mad Men" thing everyone's been talking about FOR FOUR YEARS. (I love Netflix) Yep, we liked it. We've been watching 2 a night. Almost done with season 1.

4) I'm working on a new book! The working title is MAD. No relation to Mad Men at all, but take from it what you will...

5) Still waiting for various things. Good thing I invested in those Big Girl Patience Pants. Now I have to get the Big Girl Productivity Pants working.

6) We're going to Washington, D.C. soon for a mini-vacation. I am SO EXCITED. I've never been, and am giddily planning out trips to the Lincoln Memorial and the Smithsonian and the Spy Museum. Eeee!

/random update

Hope all is well in your corners!

When you can't prepare

I always leave a little bit of water at the bottom of the glass.

It's not because I can't drink a whole glass of water, or because I need it as future ammo against aliens.* I've tried to figure it out, and I think it's my need to always consider and prepare for the future.

See, I might be thirsty in a while, and I'll NEED that leftover sip of water. It'll carry me through until I can get more. So I save it, just in case.

I also stuff chocolate in my desk. I very rarely finish a chocolate bar unless I have another one ready. Because I might NEED some. And what will happen if I'm totally out?

I am a terrible hoarder, in fact. My purse has Kleenex packs, mints (in case I feel sick), cough drops (in case I have a sudden cough), snack bags (duh), antacids, girl stuff, chapstick, a notebook and pen (what if I have an idea and there's nothing to write on?), etc. My office desk has repeats of all of the above, plus a toothbrush and toothpaste (I have never brushed my teeth at work), bandaids, and matches (?).

I like to lug all this stuff around with me. When I go to a fancy event with my husband where it's inappropriate to bring a huge purse, it makes me downright uncomfortable.

And most of the time I don't need any of it. But it's nice to have it there, ready. It's comforting, and it makes me feel on top of things.

So it kind of astonishes me sometimes that I've chosen a profession that has so very much uncertainty, and so much that is absolutely OUT of my control.

I can't carry mints to prepare against the crush of rejection.

I can't throw a magic clock in my bag that will wipe out the uncertainty of waiting.

I can't  have a pocket ready with the next plot twist I need, or the next book idea that will actually work.

I wish I could. Oh, how I wish I could. I'd save buckets of water if it would help--me or others--with being prepared for this industry.

Maybe I should just get over it and finish my glass.

*obscure reference to Signs, an odd Mel Gibson alien movie

Yo

Wow. Okay, so THAT was a busy time.

There was the two weeks in Hawaii--and then we got back there was the workpileup + ChildFPSReport + ChildMacbethRehearsals/Performances + Husbandworktrip + ParentsGoneCoverage + Shows + PersonalStuff. And I discovered that in the two weeks I was gone, my boss had announced his retirement and 3 of our top people had all changed jobs...and yeah. My brain exploded everywhere, and it wasn't pretty.

But you don't want to hear about that stuff, because it's probably too close to what's going on with you, right? You want to hear Hawaii Highlights?

I...um...don't really have pictures. We were all relaxing and enjoying the moment too much to take pictures, believe it or not! But it was all about hanging out in the warmth and doing stuff in the ocean. We lived in bathing suits all the time. Child and I joked that we perpetually had sand in our EYEBROWS. We snorkeled about 7 times, in various places, and that is just amazing. We all are becoming snorkeling freaks! We saw the caldera of an active volcano, and a coffee farm in Kona, and lots and lots of lava and black sand and white sand and green sand and all colors of coral. But the highlight of this trip, really, was the animal life we saw and/or experienced.

Animals we encountered or witnessed:

--Humpback whales: they were migrating, and at any time you could see pods moving across the ocean from our hotel on the Big Island. Spouts and breaches!

--Dolphins: our hotel (the amazing Hilton Waikoloa) has trained dolphins ON the resort, in a lagoon that happened to be right under our balcony. So we'd go out at night or in the morning and watch the dolphins swimming, leaping, and playing. It was SO FREAKING COOL.

--Sea Turtles: Hubby and I had an extremely close encounter with a huge turtle in the ocean, when we were snorkeling a ways out from the beach. We were holding hands, and he pulled up short and *squealed*, I swear. I looked up, and there was a turtle right in front of my face that was almost as big as him! We swam behind it for a little while. In the hotel they also had 6 or 7 turtles that liked to hang out in the lagoon, and they didn't even take notice of people (or move to avoid them). Child accidentally smacked one in the face when she was swimming. ;)

--Seahorses: Child really really wanted to go to the seahorse farm she saw a brochure for, so of course we did. They raise seahorses as pets so they won't be taken from the wild. We all had a seahorse curl around our fingers.

--Tropical birds: Child had her picture taken with a parrot--it was meant to be on her hand, but it used its beak to climb right up on top of her head. Twice. There were some funny pics in there of her reacting...

--Eels: Man, these things are even creepier live in the ocean than they are in aquariums. They kind of make me shudder. But still, cool to see.

--Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of tropical fish, while snorkeling. Every kind you can imagine, pretty much. Child even saw a little octopus!

--Hawaiian monk seals: Okay, this one was in the Honolulu aquarium. Cheating. Still, Child had read a book about them, so she was thrilled.

--Chickens and roosters: are everywhere on Oahu, running wild. EVERYWHERE.

--Wild goats

--Marmots

The animals turned out to be the focus of the trip! Well, aside from the sun and the ocean.

Hope you're staying warm where you are! (It was 6 degrees F here this morning, but I am still basking in the memory of Hawaiian sun.)

Aloha!

Incarnate Theater Treasure Hunt

As I am a HUGE fan of Jodi Meadow's INCARNATE, I am so happy to be participating in the:

 

Welcome to the INCARNATE Theater Treasure Hunt!

This week, 48 bloggers are celebrating the release of INCARNATE by Jodi Meadows by participating in a treasure hunt with clues, activities, and lots of prizes including signed books (!) and handknit fingerless mitts (you want both of these). You've reached a CLUE blog, which means somewhere on this page is a clue to finding the hidden page and grand prize entry form on Jodi's website. Follow 26 clues to get there!

For more information on the INCARNATE Theater Treasure Hunt, check out Jodi's post. And look at my picture!!

Hee! I LOVE this one! Can you tell what's going on here? :)

And I am so excited to show you the trailer for Incarnate!

My clue for the password is: Second word: t

Now head on to the other bloggers participating in the Treasure Hunt:

Esther's Ever After
365 Days of Reading
Literary Exploration

What kind of a post is this, anyway?

This is what I think about when considering my blog these days.

Oooh, I wish I could talk about secret stuff that happened!

No. Can't talk about that yet. Drat. Well, that's past anyway. I REALLY want to talk about secret stuff that's going on now.

*sigh* No. Oh, I know. I can talk about what I'm working on! It's super secret and all that.

*stares at blog*
*doesn't blog*

Yeah. Let's see. Erm...I'm going to Hawaii next week with my family! Yes, I can say that! And...um, we've got winter again here, so it's really cold...hence the Hawaii...

Man. I'm just going to show you pictures of fuzzy kittens.

 And this little guy.

And...I don't know how he got in here, but let's go with it.

Why I Love Twitter

There's a lot of mockery out there about Twitter. Talk show hosts have sarcastic bits about tweets, making us Twitter-users sound ridiculous. People who don't really understand it relate celebrity tweets with scorn (or, equally bad, with awe). My husband thinks it's a complete waste of time.

Okay, yes, it can absolutely suck up time and energy that you should probably devote to something else, if you let it get out of hand. But as a working writer, as long as I tweet with a sense of balance, it is SO not a waste.

Here's what I get from being an active, thoughtful participant on Twitter:

• A crazy-wonderful sense of community. I have different groups for friends, YA writers, agents, and editors. I can post about writer struggles and talk to people who UNDERSTAND, real-time. While I love the people in my real life, they just don't get most of those struggles. Or joys, for that matter. On Twitter, you can post that you finished a rough draft and friends will celebrate with you!
  
• A bonanza of information as a reader. Daily I see new books I want to read, or reviews of books, and find new (or seasoned) authors I want to support. Half that stuff I'd never know about without poring through a hundred blogs. I don't really have the kind of time you need for blogs. But with Twitter I can dip in and out, and find out what I need.
  
• Connections. I am VERY anti-schmooze, and I would never (ever ever ever) connect with someone for what they can do for me. But my friends on Twitter have helped me tremendously in this whole publishing process, in ways I couldn't have even imagined. And usually without my asking. (Twitter peeps, you are amazing!)
  
• Crowd-sourcing for information. Whether you need to know which show to go to in NYC or which office supply store has the best service, or you want to hear some new bands, you can Ask. And you will Receive Answers.
  
•  Effecting change. Yes, we don't win them all. But when a strong Twitter community (like the YA lit crowd) sees something Wrong, sometimes we can do something about it.
  
• FUN and DISTRACTION. Tiara days. Sparkle exchanges. Pun wars. Silly hashtags. It's like joking around with your favorite people whenever you want.

Wait. It kind of IS joking around with your favorite people whenever you want. And as long as you don't do it all day long, that can be pretty awesome.

So there, doubters. Did I convince anyone, or were you all convinced already? If you want to check it out, I'm at @susan_adrian. See you there. #TwitterRocks

Marinating

I'm marinating.

It's the best word I have for that period between books, soaking up ideas, letting everything meld together until it's ready. Or steeping, maybe. I'm waiting for some things on Happy Sauce, so I can't do anything with it, and it's not the right time to work on the (possible) sequel. To keep active, I'm brainstorming something Entirely Different. I've got the basics of the idea, but I'm not ready to put fingers to keyboard quite yet. I'm pondering the situation and the characters, doing research, working out the kinks in my head. Reading, watching movies, absorbing ideas and thoughts and what I want. Usually I do this for a while until I'm so ready I'm bursting with it--I HAVE to go to the page.

It feels slow, though. It feels unproductive, after the rush of sending something out. But I have to remember that it's an important part of my process.

And it's fitting, I suppose, with all the waiting and drip-drip-drip of time during this week between Christmas and New Year's. Fortunately I'm getting lots of good reading in.

I know many of my writer friends are spending this time frantically doing edits or copyedits. What are YOU up to this week?

If I don't talk to you before this weekend, hope you have a WONDERFUL New Year's. May 2012 be happy and productive for you!

Nutcracker

Come Christmastime, like many people I crank up Pandora on the Christmas stations. I like to listen to the old classics, the carols, and the classical holiday music. But that last one I only do sparingly. See, that one comes with a little risk. They might play Nutcracker music. And Nutcracker music instantly swirls me into memories.

Oh, God, it came on just now, as I'm typing this.

I first saw Nutcracker performed by the Sacramento Ballet Company when I was 8. I'd taken little kid ballet in L.A., but nothing serious. It didn't matter. I told my mother I WOULD be in that ballet. I started lessons at a local studio the next year. I worked hard, I learned. I tried out for the show in Sacramento when I was 9, and didn't get a part.

I tried out again when I was 10, and I did. One of the easiest parts in the show--Marshmallow Child, 2nd cast. (There was a definite pecking order for casts.) But only 2 years after my declaration, I'd done it. I was thrilled.

I worked harder.

The next year I got in again, as one of the party children in the first act. 2nd cast. That year, for Christmas, I got regular lessons at the Sacramento ballet school, instead of the local school. It meant a 40-minute commute, and at first it was only a couple days a week. But I was serious now. Nutcracker auditions were in September, and from that point until December rehearsals got progressively more demanding. We did 2 full weeks of shows at Christmas, and I had to take off school. My whole class did a field trip once to come see me.

The next year, as a Sacramento Ballet school student, I got a party child part again--1st cast. And a lamb in the Sheperdess dance. I started taking more classes. By the end of that year I think I was up to 5 days a week, maybe 6. I tried out for the apprentice company, and I got in.

The next year, 1984, I got to be Clara.

If you don't know the show, Clara is the lead. She's in nearly every scene, at least on stage watching. She gets to be on stage entirely alone during the most magical part, when the Christmas tree grows. It's an amazing opportunity, and I was ecstatic. I had to share with two other Claras--I was 3rd cast--but it didn't matter. I was freaking CLARA. When I wasn't doing that part, I was also a flower, and a soldier in the battle scene.

The next year I was in the full company. I was dying to be Clara again, but our director said it was time for other kids to have a turn. I was going to classes 6 days a week now, three hours at least on weekdays and all day on Saturday. But I was also starting to get injuries. I had Achilles tendonitis, and shin splints. Politics at the studio were insane, and the driving time was ridiculous, and my parents were getting a divorce. I was starting to be unhappy. I was 15. I got Chinese ( a very good part), and a snowflake, and a flower again.

And the next year, when I was 16, I made the decision, with my mom, to stop.

I was immensely relieved. My injuries weren't getting better, and with my body type (really small, in case you're wondering--I'm 5'3"), it would be a very tough go for me to be a dancer professionally. I did acting at school instead, and went away to university, and discovered writing, and all turned out well. It was the right decision.

Except for when I hear Nutcracker music, and it kills me.

It's funny, because I LOVE Nutcracker, still. I know every beat of every part of that music. I  remember almost all the dances I did, for all the parts. I remember with vivid clarity being on stage as Clara, during a matinee performance, when one of the huge mice was sneaking out behind me and a child from the audience yelled "Watch out, Clara!" I remember paper snow sticking in my false eyelashes, and that tremendous swell of joy as the Christmas tree grew and I held up my candle to it.

But it hurts, too. I'm not sure why--I guess because it's part of the past, and I loved it so and it's over. Has been for many years. I don't regret the choice, but I miss it. And the music--that much beloved music--brings me back. Makes me feel it all, remember it all, just by listening.

I think I *might* be getting to the point where it hurts less than it pleases, though. Where the good memories win out over the loss, and I can be purely glad that it happened. I have my Nutcrackers--I got one as a gift every year--out in a row at home, and my daughter, who is 9, loves them.

Maybe I should go listen to it again.

Theme Song

Last night hubby and I were watching Stephen Sondheim's Birthday Concert together
(http://www.pbs.org/wnet/gperf/episodes/sondheim-the-birthday-concert/preview-the-concert/1041/), and when this song came on I stopped and listened, rapt.

This is my theme song right now. Every word of it.



Of course I'm not sure how well it works out for the character--he finds the love of his life, but doesn't he die within 24 hours of singing that song?

I won't think of that side.

Could it be? Yes, it could. Something's coming, something good. If I can wait...

Getting there!

Finally, I feel like I'm getting a handle on the holidays.

We went away for a week's vacation (ah, San Diego, you were lovely as always) the first week of December, so I didn't start anything until the 7th. But thanks to a flurry of internet shopping last week, I've got everyone done except my husband. That one might take a while. :)

And yesterday we decorated! The tree is UP, there are lights out front, and all my Nutcrackers are standing in formation, ready for Santa. It makes me so happy to stand there and gaze at the tree, every ornament a story. (Mind you, I've forgotten some of the stories, but I'm sure I could make one up for you if you asked.) It made me happier when Child was heading off to bed last night, and she stopped at the tree and sang to it. Just because.

I've got a lot of work to do today, but I think I'll crank up the Christmas music and light my Christmas Pine candle while I go!

Hope your holidays are going well too. I'll send you a dose of holiday spirit today if you need it.

Thankful

In the spirit of the impending holiday, I am so, so very thankful for:

My family being happy and healthy. They always come first.

My friends. I am blessed with SUCH fabulous, supportive, understanding friends!! May you all have friends like mine. And yes, I mean each and every one of YOU in that.

Jake. And Myka, Dedushka, Eric, and even Liesel. And in times past, Annie and Zilla, Jenna and Katherine. These characters who inhabit my head fully and allow me to inhabit theirs. I love spending time with them. (I admit it--I need it.)

All the hardworking lovely people in the kidlit industry, especially those I'm fortunate enough to know or work with: agents, editors, copyeditors, proofreaders, designers, marketing, sales...all of them. Together they bring books to kids and teens. How very cool is that?

I hope all you Americans in the crowd have a wonderful, restful Thanksgiving. For the rest of you, enjoy the quiet? :))

Love,

Susan

Sock-knocker: Originality--INCARNATE

I was a very lucky girl last week, for many reasons.

One of the reasons I can tell you about is that I was given a Kindle ARC of an amazing new book coming out in 2012: INCARNATE, by Jodi Meadows.

I was looking forward to it, because I know Jodi on Twitter and she's super-cool. Plus I love the cover. How could you not?

Isn't that gorgeous? PLUS I wanted to read it so hard after seeing this blurb:

NEWSOUL
Ana is new. For thousands of years in Range, a million souls have been reincarnated over and over, keeping their memories and experiences from previous lifetimes. When Ana was born, another soul vanished, and no one knows why.

NOSOUL
Even Ana’s own mother thinks she’s a nosoul, an omen of worse things to come, and has kept her away from society. To escape her seclusion and learn whether she’ll be reincarnated, Ana travels to the city of Heart, but its citizens are suspicious and afraid of what her presence means. When dragons and sylph attack the city, is Ana to blame?

HEART
Sam believes Ana’s new soul is good and worthwhile. When he stands up for her, their relationship blooms. But can he love someone who may live only once, and will Ana’s enemies—human and creature alike—let them be together? Ana needs to uncover the mistake that gave her someone else’s life, but will her quest threaten the peace of Heart and destroy the promise of reincarnation for all?

But I admit I was a bit nervous. Why? Because I like Jodi, and I expected so much, that I was afraid I'd be disappointed. It happens, sometimes.

FRIENDS. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN. THIS BOOK BLEW MY SOCKS RIGHT OFF.

Why? I'm a tough reader. What did it?

Three things.

1. Originality. Good God, this book is ORIGINAL. It's not a twist on an old story I've read, or an interpretation of a myth, or different dystopian plots shuffled around. It is NEW. I have never read anything like it before. So new it had me getting excited, thinking of how this society would work, and how differently characters would react to each other in this world, and what all the implications were...I don't even know how long it's been since I was struck so by how *different* a book was. And in this case, different = amazeballs.

2. Characters. I loved Ana from the start. She's not perfect--in fact, she has some characteristics, especially at the beginning, that aren't really pretty. (low self-confidence, uncertainty, defensiveness) But you get why she's like that, and you see how she gets it herself, and how she counteracts those issues as the book moves along. Plus from the very beginning you see her strength shining through her upbringing. And Sam!! He's not perfect either, or sparkly or brooding, but he is just...aaahhh. I'll let you find out.

3. Writing. Jodi's writing is beautiful, but not in a self-conscious way. I felt from the very first page that I was in the hands of an expert. She never stumbled in pacing or characterization, never lost me to boredom (this happens easily with me). Brava, Jodi.

Definitely a sock-knocker. I think I'll still be looking for my socks when it comes out on January 31st!