Showing posts with label snippets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snippets. Show all posts

Monday, May 19, 2008

Dialogue share...and a snip

Nathan Bransford, generous blogger and literary agent that he is, is doing another contest. This time he's tackling dialogue.

I was sooooo tempted to enter, just because I like to blather about dialogue, and I like to write it. Most times it comes easiest for me, and I have to fight against scenes coming out like scripts, all dialogue and nothing else. But I'm not entering, because I have a marvelous agent already.

Instead, I'm going to inflict one of my favorite GG dialogue-heavy scenes on you! It's a bit pared down to remove spoilers, but I like it. This little guy is just so real to me.

*************
From Ghost Girl, by Susan Adrian:

"You're not dead."

I jerked around. It was the old man, the winker, standing next to me. Too close. Long white hair straggled out from his navy blue "US Marines" cap, perched too high on his head. "Most these folk can't tell the difference. Me, I spot 'em easy." He tapped my shoulder, and nodded to himself. "Not dead."

"I guess not," I said back. His face was a perfect map of wrinkles. That map wasn't going anywhere I wanted to go.

"What you doing here then, missy? Spying?"

I couldn't help it; I laughed. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm spying for the other side. All the live people are just dying to know what y'all are up to."

"Shouldn't mock. Could be." He stroked his white-whiskered chin, studying me. "Picking up secrets you oughtn't know."

The next person ordered and moved to the end of the counter. Almost my turn. The old man moved along with me. "What you here for?" he repeated.

"I'm looking for someone. My mom—she looks a lot like me."

The way his eyes traveled over my face, you'd think he was memorizing it.

"She's not dead either," I added. "Have you seen her? Her name's Molly. She'd be with another woman."

"Nooo," he said slowly, lifting his cap and scratching under it. "Ain't seen nobody looks like you. You're the only one I've seen that ain't dead, in a good fair time."

*******

How about you? Share a favorite dialogue bit here in comments, of your current book or one you're reading. Under 250 words, please!! Maybe sometime along here soon I'll look at a few and see what works. :)

Friday, May 02, 2008

One more sharing Friday: snippet

Quite a sharing week. I've shared a good link, music, books, and a picture of me. It's Friday, and we're back to what I share best: words.

One more snippet of Ghost Girl to whet your appetites, before I go back to GG radio silence. (and I go back to finishing my final projects! Almost...done...) Today, meet Tony.

From Ghost Girl, by Susan Adrian:

*****
Tony walked in, and my stomach flipped. I took a shot of him before he saw me, his dark blonde hair sleek from the wind, sunglasses hiding his eyes. Coatless, T-shirt and jeans filled out just right, a parade of goosebumps down his arm. Yeah, I'd save that shot for later. Maybe blow it up.

He looked around the room, acknowledged us with a chin jerk, and strode over. He didn't sit, though, just took off his sunglasses and tapped them on the table. "Hey."

"Hey," we all said, almost in chorus. My heart was drumming its own rhythm, a fast salsa beat.

"What's up?" His eyes flicked to mine, and held. His bottom lip twitched. There was just the slightest hint of stubble there, on his chin. I'd missed that bit last night when I was fantasizing.

Waiting for you, I wanted to say. Instead I said, cool, "Just got here."

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" He scanned the room again. "Outside?"

I frowned, with a quick glance at Dana. God, he wasn't a smoker, was he? I didn't think he was. But what did I know? She made a shooing motion, and I realized I hadn't answered him. "Sure," I said, as nonchalantly as I could manage.

I followed him out, zipping my coat up as we hit the frosty air outside. He headed around the corner toward the dumpsters, then stopped. He didn't whip out any cigarettes, though. Whew. He just stood shifting his feet, looking at me, eye to eye. I waited. He waited. Somebody was going to have to say something eventually.

He twisted to look behind him, then again at me. "So I heard about this ghost thing with you." His eyebrows drew together. "You're the ghost girl, right?"

Crap. "That's why you want to talk to me?"

*****

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Sharing Friday!!

Today feels like a good day, and I'm in a sharing/reading mood. Let's share!

Guidelines:
1. Pull a short bit (less than 200 words) that you like from the chapter you're working on. If you're editing like me, stick a finger or a cursor randomly somewhere, and find something you like around there.
2. Post your bit here.
3. Comment on other people's bits, if you like. This is for fun, not critique, so please only positive things. (If you don't have anything nice to say...)

From Chapter 8 of Ghost Girl:
*****

It was cold outside, but I couldn't really feel it, not in my bones. It was like the memory of cold instead of the real thing. I let out a puff of breath, looking to left and right. There she was, huddling against a skinny tree at the edge of the parking lot. Just past her everything got foggy, like we were on the edge of a storm. Or that was how far this place had been imagined, and no farther.

I got to her as quick as I could, before she could disappear beyond that barrier, into the clouds.

"Hey. You okay?"

She twitched like a scared animal, big-eyed. She reminded me of Megan, actually. Not in looks—she had short, pixie-cut black hair—but in expression.

"Why am I here?" she asked, soft.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "Did you used to come to Starbucks a lot when you were alive?"

Her mouth opened and closed, exactly like a fish. "Alive?"

Crap. Oh, don't tell me she doesn't know she's dead. Don't tell me I have to tell her that.

No, you idiot, you just did.

*****

Join in!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A nod

Oh...and I put this in the book yesterday. I couldn't help myself. It does fit with my audience.


From The Weirdest Thing about Jenna:


I swiped damp bangs out of my face. Though it was cold as freaking heck up here—the wind was blowing straight at us on this ledge—I was sweating. Nerves. "Wouldn't it be nice if we could just Apparate into the cave, and bring them back with us?"

Neil looked at me blankly. "What?"

"Harry Potter? Hello?" He shrugged, and I gave it up. Who hadn't read Harry Potter?

Friday, January 26, 2007

Nana's House

I got my assignment done yesterday, because I rock. {buffing fingernails} Back to regularly scheduled work.

On Sunday we're heading out to go spend a week with my dad in Sacramento. He hasn't seen Child in a while, and I haven't been back to Sac since we moved to Montana, so we're going to get in some quality grandparent time.

This made me think of my own grandparents, and how I loved going there when I was a kid. As an exercise for myself, I wrote this little bit this morning describing what it was like to wake up there. Well, starting to describe. I have an inkling that this might be the beginning of that short story I was talking about the other day. In any case, here's what I came up with this morning:

From Nana's House, copyright 2007 by Susan Adrian

The bed is warm, and snuggly if I don't move too much. When I try to roll over the 30-year-old springs creak and poke at me, protesting. So I stay here, on my back, staring at the saggy lump that is my brother in the top bunk. I hope the bed holds, that he doesn't come crashing down on me, but I figure there's no reason it should break right now. Except it would make an interesting story.

The grown-ups are moving out in the family room, talking, making more and more noise. They always do that when they think we've slept enough, and they're getting impatient for their breakfast. If I don't get up soon they'll start to make comments about it. "My goodness, are they ever going to get up?" "I don't think you ever slept this late when you were their age." My grandmother wakes up at 4 or 5, so by 8 she feels like she's been up for a whole day already. That's what my dad says.

Actually it's just me they want. My brother is 14 now, so for some reason he's allowed to sleep through breakfast; he's a teenager. He'll emerge, with rumpled hair and marks on his face, in a couple of hours, yawning. They still wait breakfast for me.

I sigh and push back the blanket—the electric kind, yellow with a shiny strip at the top—and swing my feet onto the floor. It's cold. It's hard tile, gray-black, and it always feels cold in the morning, even in summer. I hop to the rug and just stand there for a minute, blinking. A little light filters in around the edges of the shade, but mostly it's dark, that brown-dark that tells you it's really daytime even if you're trying to sleep. The room smells of dust and chalk, and old books, but I like it. That's just how a grandparent's house should smell.

{end snip}

Medieval Word of the Day: knapscall: Some kind of helmet or headpiece; generally worn by persons of inferior rank; perhaps originally by the servants of the men-at-arms.

Friday, December 08, 2006

A snip from Book 2

Okay, Mrs. Mitty asked for a snippet. Since I know you've all seen all the TMT snippets, I'll put up a tiny bit of Book 2. Keep in mind that this truly is a rough draft; I haven't got the setting very well yet at all--but I like this bit anyway.

From [Isabella] by Susan Adrian, 2006, All Rights Reserved

Edward of Woodstock, the Prince of Wales and Aquitaine, strode across the yard to where his horse snorted impatiently. They were both magnificent: the Prince resplendent in crimson hunting gear, hat, and cloak, his dark hair and mustache perfectly groomed; the massive bay's coat gleaming in the sun, adorned with matching crimson [gear]. Papa on his big black looked small and faded beside them.

The announcement would be made tonight at Hall, but it seemed that Papa had done it, convinced the right man—the most powerful man in the world, it seemed to me—to help us. All the men were going hunting this afternoon in celebration, and in anticipation of battle.

"If only I could go," I muttered. But I was, as always, only an observer, standing in a dark archway watching the splendor of the hunters.

"If only I could go," mocked a voice, mimicking my Spanish.

I spun. He was only a handspan from me, his freckles stark against his pale skin.

"I see you are not hunting either, John Holland," I said in English. He was the Prince's stepson, and likely would be invited in a few years. But not at fourteen summers, not today.

"Only because there are too many already," he retorted. "I am not a useless girl."

"Ha! Men do not want boys underfoot any more than girls. I think you are just as useless today as I."

I was rewarded with a pink flush right across his cheeks. John Holland was easy to goad and quick to show his choler; I had learned that in just two days.

He took a step back and pushed his hair out of his eyes. In the sun it was a vibrant fire-red, curling and unruly. In the shadows of the arch it was more muted, the color of currants rather than holly. "You know nothing, Isabel the Spaniard."

"I am Castilian, not Spaniard." I shook my head. "And I know what I see. When men hunt or go to war, they do not want children by. You any more than baby Edward over there." I nodded my chin towards the new prince, John's half-brother, in the arms of the Princess Joan as she waved elegantly to her husband from the steps. Her belly already bulged with the next prince. She was a perfect royal wife.

John gave a snort. "You know nothing. And talk too much."

"Likely. They say it is my great fault."

The Prince was mounted now. He signaled, the olifant blared, and the whole party thundered through the gate almost as one, following after the splendid pair. It was a grand sight, and yet odd, somehow. I had seen armies, but I had not seen battle. Was it like that, a mindless, united surge, but with much dearer stakes?

"Will you stay here, you and your sisters, when your father goes to war?"

I had already forgotten John was there. He was next to me now, looking out too, leaning against the marble pillar. I met his eyes, a sharp, dark blue.

"There is nowhere else to go," I answered.

He nodded once. "I thought so." He stretched a hand forward and, shockingly, picked up a strand of my hair, rubbed it between his fingers, then let it drop. "We should try to be friends, then." He smiled, a flash of teeth, then pushed past me out into the sunlight.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Storyteller

No time for a "real" post today, as I'm scrambling to pull together and submit my grad school application. {s}

But I thought I'd give you a story instead. This one was posted previously on the Writers Forum, and came to me whole in one sitting. Hopefully it's not too long for this format!

The Storyteller
Copyright Susan Adrian, 2005, All Rights Reserved

Beaver Tooth stepped carefully across the boundary of the village. Not too silent, as if he stalked a deer, nor too brash, like jumping the buffalo. He must let the scouts know he was here without seeming to attack.

It was late, far too late for uninivited visitors. Moon had already risen, throwing her pale light across the land to help him find his way. But he was cold, and hungry—no deer, rabbit, or even mouse had been willing to sacrifice its warm body to feed him these four days—and far from home. He hoped the stories were true, and this Chief a welcoming man.

A twig snapped to his right, hidden in the trees.

Beaver Tooth sighed in relief. They knew he was here, and did not threaten him. A runner would already be in the village. The Chief would already know of him.

He strode more easily now, the smooth, packed dirt of the village path a pleasant change from the rocks that had been prodding the thin soles of his moccasins. Too thin, after this long trip. When he returned, one of the women would have to replace them.

His nostrils flared with the twin scents of smoke and roasting meat, and his belly rumbled. There…yes, there was the orange flicker of a fire. The outer ring of tipis loomed before him and he stopped, hesitant. Would they not come to greet him?

After a few moments he heard the rattle of many seeds, in time with strong footsteps. The Chief, a tall, hawk-like man, walked slowly, alone, to Beaver Tooth. He wore a ceremonial welcome robe, the bright colors dulled by night, though his hair was not braided.

Beaver Tooth waited. It was not his place to speak.

The Chief stopped before him. “You seek shelter as a guest, and one of the People?”

Beaver Tooth bowed his head in assent.

“Welcome, then. You may share my fire, my meat, and the words of my Storyteller.” He smiled, and clapped both hands on Beaver Tooth’s shoulders. “We were just beginning a tale.”

They made their way through the tipis, past family fires and many eyes. Beaver Tooth was surprised he did not feel scalded by so many thoughts directed at him, but they seemed friendly, these people. It was a large village, and even their silence was confident.

The Chief led him to the central fire. There, ranged comfortably in a ring and wrapped in blankets, was the Chief’s family: three warriors, wives beside them, one with a small child at her breast. Other children sat here and there, some already drowsing. A few young girls giggled at the sight of him. One woman stood and nodded.

Beaver Tooth’s heart thudded at the sight of her.

She was clearly the Chief’s wife, her aura of power as strong or stronger than his. She wore a red-dyed deerskin dress, the skin rubbed to a supple softness he longed to touch. A fine, blue necklace hung about her throat, moving as she swallowed.

But her eyes, and her hair. Both the deepest of blacks, the dancing black of obsidian. Her hair hung loose and long, the shine purple in the firelight. Her eyes met his, full of laughter.

Beaver Tooth looked away, embarrassed that he could not hide his hunger for her. But she laughed and sat, as did the Chief. Beaver Tooth sat too, across the fire from the woman, and humbly took the bowl of roast meat and squash that was offered him. He ate slowly, as he knew he must to avoid the fasting sickness.

The Chief made a soft call for attention. “This is our guest. Tonight he will rest and eat, and share our fire. Tomorrow will be time enough to question him.”

He turned to the woman. “Storyteller, will you begin again?”

Beaver Tooth’s gaze jumped to her. Storyteller? No woman could be Storyteller; all knew that. It was like a woman being…Chief. How could a woman be trusted with the Stories?

She laughed again, black eyes seeing into his soul. She had known he would be surprised, and had waited for it.

He flushed and looked to his food, as a thought struck him. If she was Storyteller, perhaps she was not the Chief’s wife?

She took a sip of liquid from a bowl, and began.

“In the beginning, there was darkness in the Land.”

Her voice was low and rasped, as though Raven had scratched her throat. But it was right, somehow. Beaver Tooth accepted a second bowl of food and some honey-water, and settled in a blanket to listen, wary of a Story in a woman’s mouth.

“Then the Creator made Sun, and Moon. But they, like all brothers and sisters, could not agree. Who should light the Land first? When? For how long?”

She leaned closer to the fire, and shadows showed beneath her cheekbones.

“They fought and they battled. First Sun would leap into the sky, and the light would burst across the Land; then Moon would pull him down. Moon would jump up, and her whiter light would glow, showing us the stars. But Sun would knock his sister out of the way. Each wanted to be strongest. Sometimes they both tried to hold the sky at the same time. Sometimes they both hid in their anger, and the People and the Animals had no light at all. There was no night, and no day. Their crops would not grow, and they could not do their work.”

Now everyone leaned forward, Beaver Tooth too. The Storyteller’s hands moved as she told, making the magic of the Story.

“Soon the People and the Animals grew tired of this, and called a great meeting to decide what to do. Who should go and talk to Sun and Moon, and try to settle their differences?

But all, even the great warriors and stout bears, were afraid. Sun and Moon were great beings. Would they listen? Or would they cast the spokesmen into the Great Darkness?

Finally, two brave souls volunteered for the journey: a young girl, her child-name Otter, and a Fox.

Otter wanted the day so she could play in the river, her best joy. As it was, she would just begin to play, sliding and splashing, when Sun would go away and plunge her into darkness. Otter hated having to pick her way out of the river in the dark.

Fox wanted the night so he could hunt. As it was, he would just be ready to pounce on Goose…or Duck, or Mouse…when Sun would pop into the sky, alerting his prey and ruining his meal. Fox hated going hungry.”

The Storyteller paused to take another sip from her bowl, and smiled at all the eyes fixed on her.

“So they set off, Otter and Fox, on the long journey. They walked through woods and plains, over hills and through rivers. When they grew tired they rested, though often as not Sun would then be prancing, high and bright, so that they had to squeeze their eyes tight to sleep. When Moon was up they stumbled over roots and stones, but they kept on. And as they went, they made a plan.

As they traveled, they gathered food from each place. There was little enough, with the battle, but each type of land they traveled through offered its best. The woods gave berries, both tart and sweet. The rivers gave fresh fish and water-herbs. The bees in the plains gave honey. After a very long time—of course, none could know how many days, as there were no days—Otter and Fox reached the land where Sun and Moon dwell.

First, they hid their stock of food near Moon’s house. There Fox waited, while Otter went to visit Sun.

Sun lived in a beautiful roundhouse, shining with copper and gold. He accepted his visitor easily enough, as he liked to show his fine things, and his radiant self, to others. Sun was quite vain.

Otter approached him with care.

‘Yes, small one?’ Sun asked, in a high, pure voice. ‘Have you come to admire my beauty?’

She bowed her head, unable to bear his brightness. ‘Yes, Great Sun,’ she answered. ‘And to bring you a challenge from your sister, Moon.’

Sun growled. ‘She dares to challenge me again? She shall lose. What is the challenge?’

‘She asks for a race,’ said Otter. ‘Around the Earth, and back again. To begin now.’

‘Howooooo!’ Sun yelled a battle cry. ‘I will beat her!’ And he leaped into the sky, and began to race around the Earth.

At the same moment, Fox was visiting with Moon in her own roundhouse, lined with silver and gleaming blue stones.

‘I bring you a challenge from your brother, Sun,’ Fox said.

Moon narrowed her eyes. ‘What challenge?’

'A race around the Earth, and back,’ said Fox. ‘But first, I have brought you a feast, from all the lands beneath you. See, here is fish, and honey, and berries, and many sweet things to enjoy.’

And so Moon sat, for no woman can resist such a feast.”

The Storyteller paused as the laughter rippled around the fire, and raised her eyebrows to Beaver Tooth. He drew in his breath. If she were Sun or Moon, which would she be? Moon, he decided, for her dark beauty was like that creature: of the night, yet lighting it for others. She began again.

“And so Fox feasted Moon for full half a day. Then, when he saw that Sun was far enough, and darkness was falling, he told Moon the race had begun. And she, in turn, leaped into the sky and began to race.

So Fox and Otter came together, pleased with their efforts, and journeyed back to the Land. And still Sun and Moon are caught in that race, chasing around the Earth, but never catching the other. For they are two halves of the same whole, as are Man and Woman, and their speed is equal. And the People and the Animals have day, and night.”

She sat back, smiling, as the others praised the Story. Then, as the others stood and made their way to their tipis, she stretched out a hand to Beaver Tooth across the fire.

“Shall we go,” she said, in her Raven-voice, “and see who is Sun and who is Moon?”

And Beaver Tooth stood, and took her hand.