Whew

Note progress meter












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{big grin}

A...little...bit...further

Well, that was a scraper.

As is well known in writer's circles, you should write every day, even on weekends, to keep momentum going. As is probably known among my blog readers, I don't. With Life and all, I usually devote weekends entirely to family, and come back to the WIP on Monday. Mondays are subsequently a little harder to get into the routine. Apparently Tuesdays are worse! Sheesh. I spent most of my writing time staring at the thing, trying to pull at least 400 words from my brain. I finally got it, barely (well, 487, but who's counting {g}). This is an incredibly short writing week--tomorrow I have lunch with hubby, and Friday is Child's end-of-school picnic--so I only had today and Thursday to get to my 25,000 goal for May. I. will. do. it.

On other things, we had a fabulous all-weekend getaway to Missoula, including really fun things like shopping, playing at the Children's Museum, and throwing rocks into the river. I think the last was my favorite.

Sorry

Sorry for not blogging, but my head's been down with the writing, and I just haven't felt like it. My goal was 24,000 by the end of this week (almost 4,000 words in a week, which is fabulous for me), and I will easily make that.

I have been soaking up everyone else's blogs and emails and all, so keep it up. I'll get back to blogging eventually. For now, I'd rather stay focused on the writing. {s}

I wonder...

It hit me this morning, the perfect word about raising kids. In fact, I think this word was made to describe the experience of raising kids.

Wonder.

In that first moment, when you hold your first baby in your arms, wonder overwhelms you. Look at the little toes! The pink, squashed cheeks! The tiny swirl of hair! It is completely amazing that this...person...grew inside you, and is real.

And the sense of wonder really doesn't stop. You hang over her, entranced, as she sleeps. Breathing! Snoring! Then as she takes her first steps, toddling straight into your arms. As she says her first word. As she writes her own name. As she goes to school, as she learns to swim. If you're anything like me, you're constantly struck by how cool, how wondrous, all of these achievements are, day by day.

But there's the other kind of wonder too, and that's an equally huge part of being a parent.

I wonder what she'll be when she grows up?
I wonder if she'll like to read, like me?
I wonder what she's doing at school today?
I wonder how she can behave like that, when we've had this discussion before?
I wonder if I'm doing the right thing?

When I signed up for being a parent, I hadn't realized there'd be so much uncertainty, so much doubt. Sure, there are all the jokes about wishing they'd come with a manual, and the sober advice that they're all different, and you have to make up new rules for each one. But I had no idea that I'd constantly be wondering if I was making the right choices, doing enough, saying the right thing. Or worrying about her even when she's not with me (especially when she's not with me).

I'm not really looking forward to the teenage years, when my central worry might be "I wonder where she is right now?". Fortunately, I also expect there will still be some of that other kind of wonder--the amazement kind, at what an awesome kid I'm raising--to balance it out.

More

Yay, I made my goal for today! Over 20,000--30%. Must keep on at this pace tomorrow. I'm into the real meat of the story, so this part's pulling ME along.

Of course yesterday I also decided that I had to change a major plot thing, or rather cut it out--there's just too much going on. But it won't be too painful at this stage. {s}

Now for some tea!

Catching up

I just got my grades in: all As.

You're shocked, aren't you?

{listening}

Hmmm. Not hearing a lot of shock out there. You're all hiding it well. {g}

Better yet, I got in (for me) a passel of words today on Jenna, including the start at least of the most difficult scene so far. Poor girl. My goal was to get over 19,000 today, and I did that; tomorrow's goal is to get over 20,000. I'm not sure what will happen plot-wise from there, but overall is 25,000 at LEAST by the end of May. With mini-vacations and all factored in, I should be able to do that.

Yay.

Last weekend was great fun. We had two 5-year-olds over for a playdate on Saturday, which was amazing. I love watching them all play and squeal together. Then Sunday we did a Mother's Day brunch with my mom, and Child and I made pink-frosted sugar cookies together, shaped like butterflies, cats, ducks, flowers, and stars. Awesome.

Yesterday hubby and I went to a funeral which touched me deeply, and made me want to live a better life and help others, like this woman had. She was a lovely, caring woman, and taken too soon. Then I went and rolled in the grass with Child, which is the best medicine for anything.

Onward!

Done!

And may I have a big WHEW.

All done with grad school work for the term--turned in my 20-page + paper, finished my presentation, and we chose a candidate from my search committee. Next week should be back to sanity, Thank God.

Also it will be back to Jenna. I've managed to scrape a few words here and there, but starting Monday I'll get back to a regular schedule. I'm almost at a big scene, so it's good timing. And I made myself cry on a little scene I wrote today, which is always a good sign that I'm putting passion in. {s}

I'm so happy that I'm free! Woo-hoooo!

Update

Sorry no posts. There will likely be no new posts this week, until this craziness is over and I can lift my head above the whirlpool again. This week I will be:

--interviewing candidates for a faculty position
--sending a publication to the printer
--proofing another publication from another printer
--presenting my final thesis/paper proposal to my grad school department
--writing and turning in my final report/paper for my class (100% of my grade)
--dealing with the repair shop, where one of our cars is currently languishing
--other things as they come up, and they will.

Something must give, and it's blogging. So see ya later, chicas! :)

The Summit

This is what I'm doing today and tomorrow. Yep, hobnobbing with August Busch today, Robert Rubin and Ben Bernanke tomorrow...but right now I'm at my desk on a brief lunch break after volunteering as lunch support for the 2000 guests. Whew.

Pacing

You'll note that I've slowed down the writing pace considerably the past few days. I'm not giving up my goals, but I am taking a little bit of the pressure off myself--at least until this grad school term is over in 2 weeks. We have SO much going on right now, in all aspects of Life, that I was freaking myself out entirely. And when I started beating myself up on IM about not making my 10,000 words this month goal, a good friend pointed out that this book is not supposed to be about pressure, but about fun. So I lightened up a little for now. Still writing every day, just not pushing as hard. The overall goal is still to finish this draft by Surrey, and I still believe that will happen.

Back to the craziness...

Haiku

And my blog haiku, courtesy of this site:

opposite side of
what jenna looks like the life
still here just hiding

A pretty good summary of the theme. {g}

Princessing

Child has decided that each day this week she is going to attend preschool dressed up as a different Disney princess. Actually it started Sunday--she went to the store as Sleeping Beauty, complete with crown and bracelets. Yesterday was Cinderella (blue, of course).

Today she came out of her room in a yellow spaghetti-strap summer dress. In Montana. In April. For those who don't live in the North, that means it could be 60 degrees, or it could snow at any moment. ("But Mommy, I'm Belle! I have to Only Wear Yellow! See?" {shows me her Belle underwear, with Belle indeed only wearing yellow...a yellow off the shoulder evening gown and long gloves. Hmmm. It could be worse.})

We compromised. She wore a yellow short-sleeve shirt under the dress, and navy blue tights that she claims are invisible anyway, because--look--if she bends her knee you can see the skin through them, so no one can tell she's wearing tights. I love rationalization, don't you?

But she did get to wear the gloves.

I can't wait to see what we've got on tap for tomorrow...

Yuck

And a step back...

I had to cut out the whole bit of stuff I wrote on Friday--900 words. It was just awful, draggy, and horribly boring. I saved it in a file called "yuck.doc" in case I should ever want any of it...but I doubt it.

{sigh}

Keywords I hadn't thought of

Keywords people have used to land on this site recently:

--homemade tinkerbell cake
Sorry, my friend, you're not going to find that here. I buy from a bakery, all the way.
--getting to know you email
Yeah, that one traveled all over the place, didn't it?
--susan adrian, wi
Is there one in Wisconsin? I'll have to go check that myself.
--writer's tale
Yes, baby! Name recognition!
--booty blogspot
Or not.
--bunk saggy springs
??
--and one of my regulars: intercultural communication crash movie characters
Yes, I help other students with my informative {cough} comments. Who knew?

Note the little "25%" in the progress bar over there to the right. I'm just saying.

The end of TASTE

Approximate conversation in my household last night:

I'd finally gotten everything done, put Child to bed, and had been able to collapse on the sofa and dive into TASTE for about half an hour. Hubby had been at a work thing. Key rattles in the door.

Him: "Hi, honey, I'm home!" (Not actually. Something more along the lines of "Hey.")

Me, nose firmly in book: "Mmm. Mmm-hmm. Oh, hey."

Him: {conversation about function}

Me: "Wha?" {dragging eyes up from page for half-second} "That sounds fun."

He wanders around for a while. Him: "Where's the mail?"

Me: {pause, pause, pause, turn page} "Table."

About 5 minutes later. He trips over one of the many obstacles Child has kindly left out, and I have not picked up. Him: "What IS all this?"

Me: {waving a dismissive hand, still not looking up} "Toys."

He stares at me for a couple of minutes. Him: "What are you, a voracious reader?"

Me: {reverently, pinching the rest of the text with my thumb and finger} "Twenty pages left."

He sighs, looks at me again, then sighs again. Him: "I think I'm going to take a bath."

Me: "Yay! I mean...okay."

And...I finished. Yay.

Accomplishments

In the past few days I/we (hubby) have accomplished:

• Finished the final version of my thesis proposal (okay, I'm going to do one more spit/polish in the morning), including a lovely annotated bibliography with 27 articles
  
• Got up over 15,000 words on Jenna, with a goal toward 20,000 at the end of April
• Paid our taxes (whew)
• Bought new kitchen and bathroom sinks
• Bought and delivered $200 worth of snacks for our "snack week" of preschool
• Restrained myself from auditioning for a play, even though I wanted to, because it totally would mess with our schedule
• Booked a mini-getaway for hubby and I to Seattle in May to see a Padres/Mariners game
• Booked our vacation to Winnipeg in June for a certain person's wedding {g}
• Booked two overnight trips to Missoula in May, on different weekends, to see (a) a ballet performance and (b) the Lipizzaner stallions (can you see now why being in a play in May is not a reasonable thing?)
• Helped Child make and "bind" her own alphabet book
• Attended our semi-annual parent/teacher conference
  
• Managed to go shopping and buy new clothes for Child AND me (yay)

However, amidst all this I have not...quite...finished TASTE. Maybe tonight. I have a feeling it's gonna mess with me before it's all over, so it won't be easy reading. :)

Goals today:

--add 750 words, up to 15,250 (and break the 15,000 barrier!)
--finish my thesis proposal, which is due tomorrow for 50% of my seminar grade (ack)
--work stuff that must be done

I'll post later once I make these goals, and mark off some other accomplishments I've managed lately as well!

Feeling Green

I've been reading a book by a wonderful writer. The pace is excellent, drawing me through each chapter delicately but persistently, never letting go. The characters are deep, rounded, and passionate, as vivid as my husband sitting next to me. I can see each of them and understand them, without being able to predict what they'll do next. The word choice is clear but original, with metaphors that make me alternately nod my head with the perfection of the image and laugh along with the narrator. It's fabulous.

And it's given me a horrible case of Writer's Envy.

You know the saying about imitation? I think envy is really the sincerest form of flattery--if you can call something you never admit to sincere.

Because you don't want to admit to it, even to yourself, do you? You know, as a writer, that comparison is the quickest blood-sucker of confidence. Once you start envying, the shine comes off your own work and your own ideas. You start the whirlpool thought process: I can never write like that. Why even bother? I should just hang it up now, start a fan club, and be done with the whole farce. Down and down, around and around, until every word of your own writing sounds like crap and you're sucked down to the bottom, wallowing in self-pity and envy.

So you have to not do that--but I think every writer does, unless they have an ego the size of Alaska. Even the ones you idealize, and the ones I idealize, have felt just exactly that way when reading someone else's work. It's really that way with every endeavor. When I was dancing I used to feel the same kind of envious awe watching a great pirouette, or grand jete. So instead of avoiding it altogether you have to be able to recognize the whirlpool for what it is and drag yourself out in time, or get your friends to throw you a lifeline.

Me, I emailed the writer directly, told her I was going to fly down and kick her ass myself if she ever told me again that she was "lucky" to be published, because she was just That Good. And then I whined a little. But I don't recommend that in most cases. {s}

I do recommend that the next time you find yourself in the throes of Writer's Envy you read, and contemplate, her response to my whiny email: "That's bullshit. About you not being able to write like whatever. You'll write like you, which is great. So there."

So there.

And of course, the writer is Vicki Pettersson. And the book is TASTE OF NIGHT.

Who are the authors who make you feel green?

Kurt Vonnegut

A day of silence, today, for Kurt Vonnegut's passing. He was one of the great ones who inspired me to write--and he was a fabulous, crotchety, funny old guy besides.

Rest in peace, Kurt. Or better, for you, go have fun now, and keep 'em lively up there.

Progress and flying monkeys

Hmmm. Almost a week since I last posted here...sorry about that.

On the other hand, it does seem to be a pattern that I don't post much when the writing's going well, and it still is. So maybe I'm not sorry.

My goal is still to get 10,000 words a month on Jenna until it's done, and I'm doing that. I'll be at 15,000 by the end of this week, and keep on going. I've been having all sorts of convolutions with how I think the plot should go, my mind twisting this way and that way and back, but I think I have a handle on it now--I can actually see in a vague way all the way up to the climax. Have no idea what will happen with the climax, but I don't want to yet!

I'm also realizing that this is a "thin" first draft, and I'll have to go back and plump it up the second time around. I'm just so eager to find out what happens, I'm whipping through with very little description/development/worldbuilding. But I know enough to realize those things will need to be added, so I've just been making notes to myself in my writing journal and moving on. Momentum, ya know. I wonder how long this draft will actually turn out to be--likely shorter than 70,000! I may have to adjust my scale on the side as I go...(doesn't that seem like cheating?)

Oh, and since I'm not sharing text yet, I'll share another picture. Wanna see what the villains in Jenna look like?

[photo removed because of all the weird searches I get for this picture from Mattel...]

Okay, not really. They're worse than that. Gave you a shiver, though, didn't I?