Head vs. Page: CAGEMATCH

So I'm only a third of the way into SALVAGED, and I already had to take a brief pause in forward progress to wrangle it.

Why? It's the age-old dilemma: the utterly fabulous, sparkly, life-changing, AMAZING book that's in my head is...not the same one on the page.

This always happens (apparently to Other People as well), so at least I know to expect it. But still, it's disappointing, that first failure, when I realize that the book is NOT going as I want it to.

See, when I first start it is SO glorious. It is the biggest rush ever, like "oh I am SUCH a genius", "this is the best idea in the universe", "how has everyone else not written this brilliant book already", "but no it was waiting for ME to excecute this idea, because I know how."

Yes, ego in the first 5-10k knows no bounds.

Then at about 10k, usually, I look up from the feverish happy-writing and say HMMMM. "This is kind of tangled," I say. "This is not as shiny as it promised to be" and "What the HELL is going on with this book anyway?"

I keep writing it, because I know I must. But then it gets more messy. And I change my mind about what's going to happen, and one paragraph invalidates about 3 previous chapters. By the time I get to about 20k or so, I lay my head down on the desk and weep softly.

Okay, I don't. But I do stare at the screen with great irritation. I don't know if it's ME who has failed the sparkly book, or the book who has failed the sparkly me. But one of us has to figure it out, and fast, before it becomes another idea withered on the vine at 20k.

So this week, I'm reconciling. I did a *gasp* OUTLINE of where I really want it all to go, and how it will fit together. I did character backstories, so I'm consistent and they're all a little deeper than my first shiny glances. I take a look at structure and figure out where it's going waytoofast and way...too...boring.

And then I FIX it. Hopefully. I'm about done with all my notes and thoughts and planning stuff, and about to go straighten up that first 20k.

And then, my friends, I get to Keep Going, but at least I won't be all twisted up in myself.

At least I know that at some point it DOES get sparkly again. Maybe 24 drafts from now, but some happy someday!