See the below post (Okay, good! And now...) for rules. Take your edited version of this original, and cut cut cut.
I found the queen in the arboretum, a great big glass room chock-full of plants. The sun had already crested the horizon, bleeding through the iron gray clouds. How long had I been tortured and left unconscious? Unless my watch was broken, I showed the time as two o'clock in the morning. The gardener was with her, but when she saw me, she dismissed the gardener, and we were alone.
2 comments:
not much tighter...but a little. I find it harder to be brutal with others' writing than my own!
How long had I been unconscious? The sun had already emerged, bleeding pink through the iron gray clouds, but my watch showed only 2 AM. Perhaps they had broken it, too, with their torture.
I found the queen in the arboretum, in a heated discussion with the gardener. When she saw me the queen dismissed him, with a flick of the wrist. At last we were alone.
The queen found me in the arboretum. The sun bled through the forebodding gray clouds. How long had I been left unconscious? Judging from my joints and crusted wounds, hours. The gardener was with her, but when I looked up, she dismissed him, and we were alone.
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